If there’s one thing that shapes how you’re treated in France, it’s greetings. Get them right and doors open, literally and figuratively. Get them wrong and you’ll feel a coldness you can’t quite explain. The rules are unwritten but deeply felt. Here’s what actually matters.

The golden rule: always say bonjour first

This is the single most important social rule in France. When you enter a shop, a café, a waiting room, an elevator, or approach anyone to ask a question, you say « Bonjour » before anything else. Launching straight into a request, even a polite one, without greeting first reads as genuinely rude.

Much of the “Parisians are cold” reputation comes from visitors unknowingly skipping this step. The fix is one word. Say bonjour on the way in, « merci, au revoir » on the way out, and watch how differently you’re treated.

After around 6pm, « bonsoir » (good evening) replaces bonjour.

“Tu” vs. “vous”: when in doubt, vous

French has two words for “you.” « Vous » is formal and respectful; « tu » is informal and familiar. As a visitor, the safe default is always vous, for shopkeepers, waiters, officials, strangers, and anyone older or in a professional role. Using tu with someone you don’t know can come across as disrespectful.

You switch to tu only when invited to, or with children, close friends, and family. If a French person says « on peut se tutoyer ? » they’re inviting you to use tu, a small but real sign of warmth.

La bise: the cheek kiss

The famous cheek kiss (« la bise ») is a greeting between people who know each other socially: friends, family, and acquaintances in casual settings. It’s not used in professional first meetings, where a handshake is standard, or with strangers.

The details vary by region: usually two kisses, but some areas do one, three, or even four, and you start on different cheeks depending on where you are. As a visitor, you’re not expected to master this. Follow the other person’s lead, and when in doubt in a professional context, a handshake is always safe.

Reading the situation

Professional or formal first meeting: handshake, vous, bonjour.

Casual social setting: with people you’re being introduced to as friends-of-friends, they may go for la bise. Follow their lead.

Any shop, restaurant, or public interaction: bonjour first, vous, always.

The bottom line

If you remember nothing else: say bonjour before anything else, everywhere, and use vous until told otherwise. These two habits alone will transform how France responds to you, far more than perfect grammar ever could.

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